...too much or not enough.

I don't even know where to start here.  Some muscles never relax and some never work.  It seems the muscles in the back of my shoulders and neck will go into spasms.  I have even had to have steroid injections into the muscle mass in an attempt to relax them.  Did it work?  I don't know.  My husband seems to think it did.  He says that I have always been rock hard across my shoulders.  I knew that but I just didn't know that it was considered to be spasms.

I have spasms in my left foot too.  It draws my toes down so that they are curled under.  It doesn't hurt necessarily, just feels funny.

Along with the spasms, I have a problem with muscle pain as well.  It comes in two different types or forms that I call either ripping or banding.  Strange that I choose to describe things in situations I have never been in.  Like the ripping pain... it normally feels as if someone is pulling my arm and that in the pulling it is getting close to ripping apart between my shoulder and elbow... not at the joint but between them... in the long bones of the arms and legs.
There doesn't seem to be anything that will relieve it when it occurs, so I am thankful it does not happen often and when it does, I am home.

Like ripping, banding is in the same places in the long bones... between the shoulder and elbow.  And it feels as if my arm is in a vice and hurts like the dickens.... not my word of choice but this is the family channel... lol... and nothing seems to touch this.  I have learned and as a nurse was taught, that it is best to prevent pain than try to alleviate it.  So, with this in mind, I do take a pain pill and muscle relaxer daily.  Sometimes, though, it is not enough.

Besides pain, I have a definite problem with muscle weakness.  My upper body is plagued with weak arms and neck.  It got so hard to shower, wash my hair, condition my hair, blow dry it, and curl it that I decided my hair had to go.  I had always had long blonde hair and that was quite a change to contend with.  I'm not even sure I have... got over it... that is.

Sometimes, right at the time I was being diagnosed I would go through these *spells* where I couldn't even hold my head up.  It would kind of roll forward stopping with my chin on my chest.  My vision would be all crossed too.  They thought it might be seizures of some sort but there was no evidence of it.

I cannot lift a 5 pound weight up parallel to the floor.  I am working with 1 pounders at the moment.... lol... actually untrue... I am working with cans of vegetables at the moment.  Hey!  Whatever works, right?  At times, lifting a glass to take a drink is hard.  It feels like that sucker is absolutely glued to the table.  I mean, really!!!  It sounds so incredulous that someone says they can't lift a glass.  My favorite move by far is when I reach out for something and my arm just STOPS... no pain... no dislocation... it just stops.  lol...  It primarily happens to my left shoulder.  It's like it decided to lock and then it's OK.

My legs are weak too.  But this is where the problem switches sides of my body.  The upper half of my body seems to have the worse of it on the left and my legs are worse on the right... almost like wearing a sash. And I can feel a ??? numbness that crosses my torso just like a sash would, from my left shoulder to just above my waist on the right side, with the majority being over my heart.

OK.... where were we?

Muscle weakness in my legs.  That was the first real problem I had.  It was sooo hard to stand.  I would get this feeling that I GOT to sit down and I would.  I don't know what would have happened if I had not but it wasn't going to be pretty, I'm thinking.  I have had to use a wheelchair for distance and/or where there is long lines but it is not the norm for me at this time.  My legs muscles quiver a lot when I go to stand.  And I would never pass a sobriety test even if I had not drank in months.  And heels, forget it!!!  I am one of those types that likes, or liked, to get dressed up in dresses and heels. Three inch heels were my norm and I have bartended in many a bar while wearing them.  I even had a pair of heels with a 5 inch heel that I loved.  Now, I can't even wear one inch heels.  My legs wobble so bad!!!  Besides heel to toe walking, the neurologist has me take the heel of one foot and draw it up the shin of the opposite leg.  It is so hard to do and I shake so bad whenever I try.

Ya know? I sure do miss the me that I was at times. That person who could go out... looking all right... dressed up... and dance the night a way.  I couldn't dance two dances in a row on New Year's two years ago.  Oh well... no use in that, is there?

A physical therapist told me that the muscles in the sides of the legs are the ones that are mostly affected with MS giving you a waddle in your walk.  So, I have some surgical tubing that I can wrap around my legs and do a thigh-master type thing to exercise those muscles.  I also swim during the summer.