Finding My Brother, Doug!

I think when I was about 18. I was told I had a half brother that was put up for adoption the year before I was born. I was always intrigued by that thought and very much interested in finding him. For various reason it just was not the thing to do until recently.

Mike and I went out with Mom and Dad on Friday, the 27th of July. Dad had asked me if I had found out anything about his adopted brother and I took the opportunity to ask about my adopted brother. Mom was relaxed and receptive and gave me his name, birth date, and place of birth. Up until then all I knew is that he existed.

Well, on the 31st I decided to try to find him when I stumbled upon an adoption search link. I entered the info I had that I was looking for a male born on 7/13/53 in Philadelphia and also gave his birth name. After submitting this info I was allowed to search the registry where I found a man named Doug who was born on 7/13/53 in Philadelphia who was looking for his birth parents. I thought WOW!!! Could it have been that easy? I mean, you hear stories of how people have searched and searched for years without any luck. I wondered but thought for sure that the odds were truly against it being him but at the same time, I just knew it!.

Less than an hour later, I got a call from the registry people saying that they had found my brother. I said Doug, huh? Well, yes, it is. She wanted to know if I would consider meeting him on a Maury Povich or Jenny Jones type reunion show. I said yeah, sure, but who would they want? Me? Mom? My sisters? Everyone? I said I had not actually told anyone I was doing this, let alone was successful at it and I did not want anyone to be hurt by it. Well, she said first off, she would have to remove my registration so Doug didn't see it. She then said it would take about 10 days before a decision was made if our story was one they would want to air and it had to be a secret until then [from Doug that is]. She then said most likely we would not be chosen anyway because they don't like to pick people over 40 and if I'd rather she would go ahead and call him and give him the same option and my phone number. I said OK... because I was looking forward to talking to him that night. I mean, REALLY, I had already waited 46+ years, I didn't want to wait 10 hours, let alone 10 days!

Well, on his side, he said he had known all his life he was adopted and after he had his children, he thought it was important to let his birth mother know that life was good and he was OK and that she shouldn't feel bad. He had been getting some adoption news thing and didn't know how he wanted to handle it. All he knew is he did not want to cause Mom or anyone else any bad feelings. So, he decided not to search for her but to allow others to find him, should she decide to look for him. He had just registered.. I think he said it was March.

About 30 minutes or so later, we were talking on the phone. We talked for about an hour and tried to cram all 47 years into it. He is 48 and I am soon to be 47. There is only 14 months and 14 days between our ages. And, of course, I was constantly interrupting as one thing lead to another. lol... It was rather confusing trying to put the pieces together for him as we were both so excited.

He is still in Pennsylvania. He thinks he may have found his father but when he spoke to him he used Mom's first name instead of her middle name of Joyce that she goes by and he said he did not know anyone by that name.

The story goes that when Doug was born she worked for the phone company and Doug works in the pay phone business... in sales I think. Strange, huh?

He is married, has 2 boys [7 and 5 I think, although he may be 4.

Very musically inclined. We, [him and I,] have both taken accordion lessons. He plays the drums. But says he can't sing. lol... He said his first sales pitch was talking his parents into getting a piano... which I always wanted. I sing but can't play the piano.

He is waiting on a diagnosis of MS but it has not been confirmed. My diagnosis has been confirmed. He said he woke up one day and his left arm was numb... which was my first symptom... and he has trouble looking at an object and not being able to say what it is sometimes. Me too. And sometimes he can't find his words and neither can I.

His parents are snow birds and had a place in south Florida. His father is Jewish and his mother is Presbyterian. His father was in the Navy, a chief petty officer, and his mother was a nurse. They are both in their early 70's. He said he had a good life and he feels he is a regular guy. [He had picked up on my words when I described meeting Carol.... my half-sister (but that is another story) ] He said he had a good upbringing and life; and that Mom had made a good decision or rather the decision that she had to make turned out to be good and that she should not feel bad or guilty in any way. However you want to say it. He doesn't want them, [his adoptive parents,] to be hurt either but feels that most of the people involved are adults and should understand the situation.

From the second grade until he graduated he went to an all boy Episcopalian school. And then Jewish school on Saturdays. He said he did not have a Bar Mitzvah nor was he confirmed. He calls himself confused... lol... and prefers not to label himself, or others, as it just draws borders around people and feels if everyone would just follow the 10 commandments the world would be a better place. My thoughts exactly but I say if people would not do anything that would hurt themselves, then nobody would ever get hurt... basically the same thing. Do unto others.

He has 2 younger sisters. I don't know if they are blood or adopted (one of each) but he said he played the "protective, beat'em up big brother", that I said I fantasized about as a teen, enough with them to make up for it. lol... And, oh how did he say it, he was the prize... or something. Since he went to an all boy school he hung around his sisters to meet their girl friends and since he didn't go to their school, he wasn't "jaded" and got lots of dates that way. lol...

He is going to Falls Church, VA. next week I believe or the week after that. Maybe he'll able to meet Jayne and Joan as it is only 30 minutes from there to them. Had I not just returned from there maybe I could go up there and meet him as well. (Postscript... I did actually end up going up and meeting him as did Mom but that is another story.)

Well, that's about all I can remember. It was a lot to digest and left me with a high I have not felt in a long time. We are strangers... yet we are family.
I wonder if there will be a family resemblance???

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